I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
How's work?
Spinning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize