im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
