Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
