I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
