He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
