I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
