low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
