can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
