just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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