Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
