Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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