im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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