Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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