the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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