Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
