barbara walters just said penis...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
