He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Drake has all the answers
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
