it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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