I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
