forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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