I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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