i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Redeem this text for a blowjob
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
