drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Hippo gnu deer
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
