four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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