We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So vagazzling was a success
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
