WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Is it because I queefed?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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