I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
