Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
