I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize