Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
