I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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