It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
