Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
