I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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