can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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