You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
