There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
