I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
