The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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