So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
