I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
