I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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