so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I am naked and annoyed.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
