just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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