i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
