i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
