Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
