great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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