The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
