I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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