Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
