the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
