Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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