I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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