she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
