Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
