So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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