You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
