I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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