Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
