I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
