Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
