stop calling my apartment porn island.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
