do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
