I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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