she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
