I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
