It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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