'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
