You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
